Cunt! A Historical Perspective.
words: Tim Fawcett
Cunt! A Historical Perspective.
words: Tim Fawcett
Cunt! A Historical Perspective.
Although the title may suggest otherwise this article is not about gerontophilia so all you gerontophiliacs out there can stop getting so excited (and maybe start getting some professional help).
Likewise this article is not about cunts throughout history from the emporer Nero, who was widely regarded as history’s first ever cunt, through to modern day cunts such as Kyle Sandilands and James “I cry after sex” Blunt.
Rather, this article is about the etymology of the word cunt as well as its modern usage.
Etymology- Etymologists vigourosly debate the etymology of the word cunt.
These debates are often settled with a knife fight or more rarely a world’s strongest man style plane pulling competition.
Etymologists are divided into two main camps regarding the origin of cunt. One group believes that the word derives from the Proto-Germanic word kunton meaning the female genitals. The other much larger group of etymologists believe that Prometheus stole the word from the Gods of Mount Olympus and gave it to human kind to use as we see fit.
What is known for sure is that by the 13th century cunt was being widely used by everybody (especially yo mama’s cunt).
The earliest known citation of the word comes from a street in London known as Gropecunte Lane. This name was common in many towns in Britain as the street where prostitutes conducted their business.
The street name described the activity that took place, e.g. grope meaning to touch for sexual pleasure and cunte meaning cunt. This street existed under its current name in London up until fairly recently when the residents decided to change its name to something a little more PC, still wanting to reflect to streets cultural heritage the residents changed the name to Fuckawhore Ave.
Originally cunt didn’t have the obscene connotations it has today, it was merely a noun for the ladies V-J-J.
But over the years its meaning evolved, by Shakespeare’s day it seems to have become quite obscene. Although the great playwright never actually used the word in any of his completed plays, (the partial work Rodney IV contains the “shall I compare thee to a wench’s cunt” soliloquoy) the masterpiece Hamlet actually alludes to the word when Hamlet is trying to pick up Ophelia and refers to her country matters…smooth.
The civilizing power of the Age of Enlightenment pushed cunt to the outer rims of society’s collective vocabulary. Only vagabonds and harlots used the word that once all enjoyed so merrily. For a long time cunt was an outcast until fairly recently when, luckily for it - society turned to shit.
Now is the golden age of cunt, everybody uses it from the humblest beggar to republican presidential candidate John McCain who was widely praised for his pro-cunt agenda after saying “At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt” on national TV…to his wife…smooth. Despite its resurgence many are still confused on when and in what company it is okay to say the previously unutterable. To try and clear up a bit of this confusion I’ve decided to write a modern gentleman’s guide regarding the usage of cunt.
Modern day usage: Using cunt in the modern age is a difficult balancing act.
If you underutilize cunt or refuse to say it then you are missing out on the most powerful word in the English language, your jokes won’t be as funny, the opposite sex will find you less attractive and your rage will build up inside you without a meaningful outlet until one day you’ll take a sawn-off to your local IGA.
If you overutilise cunt then people will think you are either a misogynist or a feminist, depending on your gender, and cunt will lose all its punch and forcefulness. Cunt will become an empty shell of a word and you will be known as the boy (or girl) who cried cunt.
To avoid either of these situations I’ve come up with a brief list of times when and more importantly when not to use cunt.
Three most appropriate occasions to use cunt
As you can probably tell this list of occasions is far from exhaustive but a good rule of thumb is to treat cunt much like I do my inflatable sex doll Janine.
Keep it for special occasions when the time is just right.
Don’t just drop the C bomb at every available opportunity, you’ll alienate people and they’ll think you’re weird.
Especially don’t whip it out around old people as it can make things really awkward.
More awkward than the time I brought Janine to a family dinner, needless to say I don’t know who was more shocked, Nanna or Janine.
Follow this simple rule and you will be reaping the myriad pleasures of a cunt enriched life.
Likewise this article is not about cunts throughout history from the emporer Nero, who was widely regarded as history’s first ever cunt, through to modern day cunts such as Kyle Sandilands and James “I cry after sex” Blunt.
Rather, this article is about the etymology of the word cunt as well as its modern usage.
Etymology- Etymologists vigourosly debate the etymology of the word cunt.
These debates are often settled with a knife fight or more rarely a world’s strongest man style plane pulling competition.
Etymologists are divided into two main camps regarding the origin of cunt. One group believes that the word derives from the Proto-Germanic word kunton meaning the female genitals. The other much larger group of etymologists believe that Prometheus stole the word from the Gods of Mount Olympus and gave it to human kind to use as we see fit.
What is known for sure is that by the 13th century cunt was being widely used by everybody (especially yo mama’s cunt).
The earliest known citation of the word comes from a street in London known as Gropecunte Lane. This name was common in many towns in Britain as the street where prostitutes conducted their business.
The street name described the activity that took place, e.g. grope meaning to touch for sexual pleasure and cunte meaning cunt. This street existed under its current name in London up until fairly recently when the residents decided to change its name to something a little more PC, still wanting to reflect to streets cultural heritage the residents changed the name to Fuckawhore Ave.
Originally cunt didn’t have the obscene connotations it has today, it was merely a noun for the ladies V-J-J.
But over the years its meaning evolved, by Shakespeare’s day it seems to have become quite obscene. Although the great playwright never actually used the word in any of his completed plays, (the partial work Rodney IV contains the “shall I compare thee to a wench’s cunt” soliloquoy) the masterpiece Hamlet actually alludes to the word when Hamlet is trying to pick up Ophelia and refers to her country matters…smooth.
The civilizing power of the Age of Enlightenment pushed cunt to the outer rims of society’s collective vocabulary. Only vagabonds and harlots used the word that once all enjoyed so merrily. For a long time cunt was an outcast until fairly recently when, luckily for it - society turned to shit.
Now is the golden age of cunt, everybody uses it from the humblest beggar to republican presidential candidate John McCain who was widely praised for his pro-cunt agenda after saying “At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt” on national TV…to his wife…smooth. Despite its resurgence many are still confused on when and in what company it is okay to say the previously unutterable. To try and clear up a bit of this confusion I’ve decided to write a modern gentleman’s guide regarding the usage of cunt.
Modern day usage: Using cunt in the modern age is a difficult balancing act.
If you underutilize cunt or refuse to say it then you are missing out on the most powerful word in the English language, your jokes won’t be as funny, the opposite sex will find you less attractive and your rage will build up inside you without a meaningful outlet until one day you’ll take a sawn-off to your local IGA.
If you overutilise cunt then people will think you are either a misogynist or a feminist, depending on your gender, and cunt will lose all its punch and forcefulness. Cunt will become an empty shell of a word and you will be known as the boy (or girl) who cried cunt.
To avoid either of these situations I’ve come up with a brief list of times when and more importantly when not to use cunt.
Three most appropriate occasions to use cunt
- If you ever meet the lead singer of Thirsty Merc
- If Constable Care ever gives you grief
- If you are writing a poorly researched article about the etymology of the word cunt.
- If you ever meet Nelson Mandela
- Marriage Proposals
- Eulogies (apart from the lead singer of Thirsty Merc)
As you can probably tell this list of occasions is far from exhaustive but a good rule of thumb is to treat cunt much like I do my inflatable sex doll Janine.
Keep it for special occasions when the time is just right.
Don’t just drop the C bomb at every available opportunity, you’ll alienate people and they’ll think you’re weird.
Especially don’t whip it out around old people as it can make things really awkward.
More awkward than the time I brought Janine to a family dinner, needless to say I don’t know who was more shocked, Nanna or Janine.
Follow this simple rule and you will be reaping the myriad pleasures of a cunt enriched life.
